Thursday Thoughts: The Wonderful World of Dating...

I can distinctly remember the day about 5 years ago, when a friend of mine was going through the initial phases of the separation with her husband. And I thought inside my head "I could not imagine going back into the dating world...." And yet here I am, at the age of 34, back in that exact world. I still wouldn't say that I'm 'full on' dating. I've been on a few dates this year - mainly in an attempt to push myself out of my comfort zone and begin the journey of working out what I actually desire or want in a romantic partner. In all honesty, I don't think I've ever really thought about that question. Which, when you think about the fact that I've been married and had been with the same person for about 13 years, is both understandable yet crazy. I was just a baby back then when that relationship started. I didn't know anything about myself and probably didn't love myself enough to ever be able to know what I truly wanted to bring into my life (or what I needed someone else to bring to a relationship).


But our journeys are what they are, and here I am! Most of my dates from this year have stemmed from on-line dating. That thing that I had thought was taboo, but which just about every person I speak to has been on or is on. As a single, working parent, it is not hard to see why on-line dating is so popular. Sad as it is, who could possibly have the time to be out trying to meet people to go on dates with? Its not like when you were young and your whole life revolved around going out and socialising. My foray into this world has been interesting...... Initially its ok, because of the novelty factor. I went on a date or two early on, but they were basically with guys who were far more into me than I was them (oh and lets not forget the fact that their profile photos did not quite reflect the image that I saw in front of me when I met them in person).


Having said that though, I've been taking it all as a learning experience and not taking things too seriously. (I'm sure my friends will attest to enjoying my humorous tales or receiving phone calls from me in my car after the quickest date in the history of the world where i had to down two alcoholic drinks in less than an hour and was then stuck until I could let enough time pass to drive - that was a doozie!). Its a fantastic reminder of how different people are, and very good practice for me in not making other people's actions mean anything about me (which is something I could never manage in my 20's). It has also allowed me to get clear on what I will and won't accept from other people, communication, setting boundaries and taking a chance.


The biggest thing I have gotten out of it lately is a shift in how I view myself. The concept I had in my head of me as a 'dating female' was very much linked to my 20 year old self. A self that has absolutely nothing to do with who I am now. But its been a long time between drinks and when you haven't had to address that issue, the old ways of thinking still exist. I can now see myself as the mature, intelligent, funny and sexy (being able to describe myself as sexy is a HUGE shift for me and one that has been one of the biggest hurdles for me to get over) woman that I am, who any man would be lucky to take on a date ; ) Its early days yet, and I'm sure there will be many more stories to come but for now I'm going to continue to take it step by step, trust my intuition and, most importantly, enjoy and learn from this step on my journey.


P.S. I'm still trying to work out what it is telling me about myself when I attract a rodeo rider from Western Victoria whose musical tastes are Korn, Abba and salsa.!!!! You've gotta laugh.....