Life on planet earth is supposed to be fluid. It is always better to find some way to flow with it. Make your choices this week by all means, but don't try too hard to take charge of too much. Trust what is happening naturally now. Where things look as if they might just fall into place, give them the benefit of the doubt. You need to be relaxed.
This was my horoscope today by the 'surprisingly' spot on Jonathan Cainer (I say surprisingly because some days JC drives me bonkers with his overly wordy, non sensical predictions which usually reference song lyrics by David Bowie and not much else....). Anyway, today he gave me exactly the advice I have been trying to get myself to follow, but I tend to heed the message better when it comes from another.
I need to relax. I need to not try to take charge of things. I need to trust what is happening naturally. Currently I am feeling unable to do any of these things. And the worst part of it is, that life is actually fine. Nothing 'terrible' is happening. Nothing needs to be attended to urgently. Two weeks of holidays are just around the corner etc etc. Some really great things have happened over the past few weeks - things that I hadn't expected. And yet I still feel a nagging sense of being 'unsettled'. Like I need something to happen and need to know its going to happen. And I'm actually starting to get quite annoyed at myself for not just being able to enjoy each moment and trust that more of them will come, without me trying to 'lock in the next one'.
So today I decided to have a think about what is really going on here. And I came up with a couple of things. The feeling like I need to 'lock in' the next moment of fun or enjoyment leads me to the awareness that I am not living in the moment at all and am quite detached from finding the joy in the day to day. Perhaps deep down in my subconscious I don't completely believe that great things could happen to me consistently. Almost like something great happened so now my quota has been used up? Or that when its just back to me in the every day, its not enough - that I alone am not enough?
Which brought me to an article on Tiny Buddha about "Clinging"(thank you universe). In the article it is suggested that often our clinging is to satisfy our ego - an attachment to prove to ourselves and the world that we are good enough. To prove that we are worthy or somebody special. We want to be heard, loved and appreciated. So we attach ourselves to the needs of those feelings and, in turn, we seek out fulfillment by clinging to external outcomes. Ummm yep. Sounds totally like a spot-on account of what's going on in my head right now. Logically I know that this is true. I've been in that blissfully happy state before and none of my feelings were attached to external outcomes. But I've lost my way and my heart can't connect to that inner wisdom and 'knowing' that I am craving.
The article went on to discuss 4 ways to move from clinging; Know that it is a choice and choose to detach, Ask yourself what are you clinging to and why?, Understand the drawbacks of clinging & Begin a mindfulness practice. The section on the drawbacks of clinging particularly resonated with me:
"Clinging detaches us from our ability to live freely. It removes us from the flow of creativity and flexibility. When we box ourselves in with expectations of a plan, we distract ourselves from seeing a grander picture. When we cling to expectations of people, desires and situations, we become short-sighted".
That is exactly how I currently feel. Lacking in creativity, heavy & short sighted. I know that this is something I need to work through shifting. What I'd really like to do is wake up tomorrow morning and have it all magically be shifted before me, but I am aware enough to know that that ain't going to happen. So what I will do instead is to make that choice in each minute, to just 'be' and go about my daily business without trying to force something and just trust that goodness will come. I will remind myself that everything does not come immediately and that all things occur in their own time. I also think that the space and time provided by my upcoming two weeks holiday from work would be a very good time to be still and listen to what is going on inside so that I can start hearing that inner voice again and feeling that connection with myself.
And finally, I will sit and watch Modern Family tonight because often all you can do and need to do is have an awesome laugh to get your mind off things and to 'let go'!
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