Thursday Thoughts: A Little Break...

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The quote I posted yesterday in words of wisdom is ringing so true for me right now, that I couldn't not post it. Change and release and creating space for the new to come in is in the forefront of my mind. At times I fear space and I have a complicated relationship with it - I think I want it, but when I create it, my ego kicks in and I freak out about the lack of familiarity and start to doubt my ability to bring into the space the things I want. My mind starts to tell me that instead of giving me what I wanted I'm really just alone. And then I end up clinging to the things and people and ways of being that I was trying to move beyond in the first place. The key is waiting long enough and being patient enough to allow the new things to come in, when they are supposed to (which might not be the time at which you think you want them - therein lies my greatest challenge - reconciling the two).

It's all just about changing habits and creating new ways of thinking and reacting, which takes time and practice. So I'm being gentle with myself, arming myself with supporters and confidantes who will help me move through this phase until I get to where I want to be. As one of my wise friends pointed out, I'm well beyond the point of succumbing to fear. Instead of letting it take me down, I need to thank it for the motivation to keep moving in the opposite direction. That advice is gold, pure gold. I've let myself succumb to fear and doubt in the past and I am vowing not to do it this time. This time I'm doing everything I can to create the space, connect with my spirit, ground myself, set clear intentions, instigate meaningful action, and allow the universe to work its magic and work with me to create the next amazing phase of my life (as well as to enjoy where I am at now). This is a real test of how much I believe in myself and I don't want to let myself down or sell myself short this time.

And on that note, I'm going to take a break from the blog for a little while - I'm thinking for the rest of June. It was a hard decision to make, as my regular posting is something that keeps the creative side of me going and it's like my 'thing' to do each day. But, in light of what I'm working on, I feel I need the space for fresh ideas and creative inspiration to come in and it's sometimes hard to get that unless you remove yourself from what you already do. Never fear, however, 'cause I'll be back bigger and brighter and fresher than ever in July!

Wednesday Words: In Change There Is Power...

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Tuesday Treats: Nutella Crepe Cake...

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Monday Musings: Authenticity...

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"Practicing authenticity can feel like a daunting choice - there's risk involved in putting your true self out into the world. But I believe there is even more risk in hiding yourself and your gifts. Our unexpressed ideas, opinions and contributions don't just go away. They are likely to fester and eat away at our own worthiness."  Brene Brown. 


I read this Brene Brown quote on a facebook post tonight and had to write about it, given my discussion last week on being in flow. That festering is absolutely what I experienced last year and have experienced so much throughout my life when I was denying my own truth. It can be a very hard, very daunting choice. Especially when you are plagued with self-doubt, or lack the courage you feel you need to put your true self out into the world. It can feel like a huge risk, one that is too big to take.

But I believe with all of my being that the risk to be ourselves is always, always worth it. Because it is the reason we are here. We are here to be our true selves. When you think about it, it seems utterly absurd that any of us would be placed on this earth to follow the crowd, or hide our gifts or deny what lies at the heart of us - our soul. We may have to go on a journey in order to find what lies at the heart of us or our authentic voice, and that authentic voice will change over time. It will feel daunting and there will be moments you will have to dig for every ounce of courage you have in order to remain authentic. It will often feel safer to stay in the known - the behaviours, the roles, the job, the relationship, the every day, even when you know it doesn't serve you. But when that choice is there to be made, make the choice to follow your authentic self. To not do so eventually catches up with you, as Brene explains, in the form of anxiety, rage, depression, addiction, blame, resentment and inexplicable grief. And I know first hand that existing in a life characterised by these emotions is not a life at all. And that is way more scary than any risk associated with shining your own light.

So shine on.

Sunday Sounds: Boy & Bear (Walking On A Dream Cover)...

Saturday Soul: Marvelous...

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Fabulous Friday: Somethin' For The Weekend...

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It's a long weekend in these parts this weekend. Yahoo!!! And the weather is getting to feel a whole lot more like winter. So I'd say a hot beverage like the one above will be in order over the next few days. Enjoy the weekend round-up!

Been listening to St Lucia all week


This editorial in Bullett Magazine, featuring Emily Browning, is amazingly beautiful

Happily Ever, After We Split (An interesting take on divorce)

Shout The Rainbow is my new happy place on the web : )

The Foggy Path. Tara Sophia Mohr knows right where I'm at and I'm embracing the fog.

Thursday Thoughts: Tell The Truth to Let Life Flow...

                                                            Source: egotrippingatthegates.blogspot.com via Belinda on Pinterest

I recently came across a message I had sent to a friend in April last year - the year that, for the most part can be described as my year of shit (A strong title, I know. But it's apt). Looking back I can appreciate what I learned and how I needed to go through it, but good Lord if the Universe ever comes to me and says "How 'bout we repeat that process again?" I would reply with a resounding "Hell Noooooooooooo!" Apart from my experience of post natal depression, a few months of last year were the darkest I've ever experienced.

Certain life circumstances conspired to bring me to that point, some of which I didn't have any control over. But this week I've been reflecting on what it was about that time that had me be so far out of flow that I completely and utterly lost myself and essentially all my hope and faith. The sentence in my message that gave me an answer to that question was the one that read:

"It has been hard going, especially trying to keep up the impression that everything is fine and normal for me so that it can't be used against me".

There it is, plain and simple. I was not telling the truth. Yes, there could have been repercussions from certain people twisting my going through a rough patch and using it against me (rightly or wrongly), and the threat of that was very real and scary to me. But in hindsight, bottling everything up and not asking for help until it was crisis time, certainly didn't do me any favours. I went down the darkest hole imaginable and then spent months having to get myself out. Had I spoken my truth, my worst case scenario may have happened. But there may have also been another outcome. One where the Universe protected me and flowed with me and brought me what I needed because I was being truthful. Because I was not going against the flow or against asking for what I needed.  Now there's a thought.....

As is the case with all challenges and times of struggle, I grew as a person, learned lessons and discovered an inner strength that I wouldn't trade for anything. But it is such a great reminder for the next time that life throws a curve ball at me that I want to choose to be fearless and to tell the truth, no matter what. Because the truth always needs to be told - to ourselves and to others in order for us to flow.

Wednesday Words of Wisdom: C.S. Lewis...

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Tuesday Treats: Cruller donuts...

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Monday Musings: My Amazing Life...

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Intuition.

Synchronicity.

Planets aligning.

Call it what you will - but something definitely hit me today. A feeling that struck me like a bolt of lightning. It caught me somewhat unaware, as I confess that I woke up in a 'feral' mood. I could have happily stayed in bed all day with my head under the covers. I was over the week before it began and feeling less than positive.

But then at around 9am, out of nowhere, I had a really intense feeling that today marked a turning point. A switch turned on and a voice inside my head said straight out "This is it Bel, today's the day. It's time to put the pedal to the metal and just go create an AMAZING life!" And that feeling has stayed with me, like a spark of electricity. I don't know the grand plan yet but I do know I need to start putting one committed step in front of the other, and follow my heart and intuition towards joy and happiness.

Then tonight I came across the quote above on pinterest and its as if those steps are exactly what I had done today.

I decided it was important enough for me to just start doing something NOW.

I didn't know where to start exactly but I started by spending my lunch break reading the first chapter of "Your Big Beautiful Book Plan" by Danielle Laporte (which was so graciously given to me by my angel Krista Jane, and which has definitely come to me now for a reason).  

I know this is something I will need support, guidance and inspiration with, so I reached out to Krista Jane to help me formulate a plan. She's an expert in what she does and the smart thing is to surround yourself with successful people whose vision, spirit and way of being is in line with your own and how you want to live your life. I also shared my lightning bolt moment with my bestie, who is ALWAYS in my corner, who will be able to hold me accountable and who will help keep me going on this journey.

I'm a bit tired physically this week, so I've given myself the week off fitness and training so that I can devote the energy to my mental well being and recharge physically. Instead of using my lunch breaks for running, I'm using them for reading, writing and anything I feel like doing that brings me joy.

I certainly don't have a grand plan or know every detail of how I'm going to create my amazing life just yet, but I'm not going to let that stop me from doing anything. I'm going to follow my intuition and read books that I'm drawn to, contact people who come to mind, look at blogs that cross my path - whatever it may be. At this point it just matters that I start doing something and have my intention in place. Once you are in motion and are truly checking in with your heart and spirit, the path opens up. I'm trusting this.

And finally, I believe that I can do it, so I will.

Stay tuned for greatness......

Sunday Sounds: Lennon & Maisy Stella...

Couldn't resist putting Lennon & Maisy on this week - they're just too cute (and talented)!

Saturday Soul: Buried Deep...

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I've shared on my blog how I feel ready to move towards something new and would like to attract a partner into my life who connects with me energetically, and who understands and loves me as I am. And I've been working on manifesting this and opening my heart but have felt a bit frustrated. This week and today in particular, I've recognised that the frustration is actually stemming from some residual fear and in-grained beliefs about having my needs met and finding a partner. There is a fear I'm still holding about how any future relationship will work out and believing that I can have something or believe it exists when I have never experienced it before.

I also worked out that I have carried around, since the day I was born or before, a belief that I won't or can't have my needs met. Without going into too much detail, my twin sister and I came into the world at an extremely tumultuous and sad time for my mother's family, with her father being murdered two months prior to our birth. The circumstances of our birth ie being born over 2 months premature was, in itself, an extremely stressful situation on its own, let alone coming so close on the back of that event. Prior to now I have never really given that much thought to that time or how being born under such circumstances may have affected me. But it really isn't surprising to think that it would. I have always been told by family members that there was great joy surrounding our birth and that we were a gift or blessing from God to in some way make up for what they had lost. I don't doubt that our family members saw things that way and that they loved us. But the reality is that all around my sister and I would have been people who were stressed and sad and who were not having their needs met. And perhaps as a result, even from that early time I have had an in-grained belief that my needs just can't be met. They weren't being met for my Mum at that time and it is predominantly what I have experienced or felt for most of my life.

It's quite a lot to get my head around and process, and I really wasn't expecting this to come up. But it obviously has for a reason and I do already feel better now that I have at least been able to identify what was buried and begin shifting or clearing this belief. I know I've cleared out so much 'stuff' in the past few years and have had to work through some really painful and difficult emotions. My first reaction to this coming up was, "not more stuff, haven't I cleared it all and done enough yet?" But when I stop and think I can see that this is just a little bit of leftover residue if you like, that isn't going to be a barrier for me. It's just something to be aware of and shift so that I can move forward without fear. What I'm going to focus on now is truly believing in my heart that I can have what I want in life and that my needs can be met. I don't have to do more, be more or pay any dues in order to have my needs met. I can expect that they can and will be simply by virtue of the fact that I am me. And I can't wait to see how my life unfolds from that viewpoint.

Fabulous Friday: Somethin' For The Weekend...

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Simple Ways to Follow Your Bliss

Remembering Jeff Buckley through his music

Digging these boots for winter (and the fact that they are named Bailey must be an omen to buy them right ; )

I want to cook this!

How cool, a glow in the dark driveway