Yesterday I did something I've never done before at work. I asked for an annual leave day for the following day (ie today). I would not normally do this, as giving short notice is not my style (plus I usually would have talked myself into just 'hanging in there' for another day until the 4 day Easter long weekend was due to start). But I needed it. So I decided to ask for what I needed, which is 5 glorious days away from the craziness of work. I've been trying to push through but all that was happening was I was feeling more and more stressed, I was going around in circles due to being overwhelmed with it all and I was being very unproductive. In the spirit of not doing the same thing and expecting to get a different result, I did the only remaining thing I could think to do, which is step away, re-charge and then, hopefully, come back re-energised and ready to tackle the work next week.
I'm learning a lot right now about my approach and reaction to work and how I let that impact the rest of my life. I've been swept up in the chaos of working in a firm where the client base has tripled in the past 3 months (and hence my workload has at least tripled). Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the challenge and responsibility but I've never been that good at maintaining equilibrium and not letting the overwhelm and stress spill over into the rest of my life when things at work get really busy. I have high expectations of myself and hence I just assume that the only response is to keep going and going and going and to somehow keep doing what needs to be done. Until at some put it finally dawns on me that it isn't humanly possible for anyone to do it all and that the limit has been reached (this point sadly comes when I have reached breaking point and also involves tears, extreme fatigue, irritability etc etc). As is the case for most of us, if I were looking in on this scenario as an observer and one of my friends was in this situation, I would have quite easily and firmly told them weeks ago that the situation was untenable and that they had to let something go. That living life in that manner and at that pace cannot be sustained and nothing good would come of it. So simple to offer advice, yet so hard to take your own......
Anyway, the lesson to myself is to implement strategies at work that allow me to focus on a few things each day as opposed to looking at the entire list of things to do and being paralysed with fear. I also need to pay particular attention to doing something when I get home each night that helps me transition from 'work mode' into 'home mode' (ie 20 mins of yoga, a quick run etc). And finally, I need to get back to being in the moment and slowing down. When you spend the majority of your day in a work environment where the pace is frantic because you are trying to fit so much in, it can spill over into your home life with very negative consequences. I have noticed myself rushing through everything I have to do at home like dinner, eating, organising Bailey, reading Bailey stories etc. All those things that up until now I enjoyed and did in a calm manner have become burdens and things to 'get done' rather than enjoy. And it's such a crappy way to exists.
So today I am focusing on getting back on track and in line with how I want to live. In the moment, present and calm. I'm going to really 'be with' my family members as I catch up with them over the holidays and 'be with' myself in this much needed down time. No thoughts of next week or even tomorrow. Just relaxing, connecting and slowing it all down.......
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