Saturday Soul: The 'm word'...

Since the dawn of my sisters' and my time on this earth, we have taken issue with a number of words from the english language. Don't ask me how or where this 'issue' arose, but I can assure you it has existed since the day we said and read our first words. Now, there are I'm sure, millions of words that people in the world dislike or take offense to, usually because of the meaning of or behind them or the way in which they are used. The 'c word' for example is an obvious choice and a word most of my female friends and myself detest and male friends know is crossing the boundary of words that should be used. For most of us growing up, the 'f word' and 's word' were big no no's and most of us accept this.

The words that my sister and I take issue with, however, are different. The true test of how well you know us will definitely be whether you know what our 'off limits' words are. Those close to us know that if these words are to be uttered in our presence, it will be met with incredulous sideways glances, violent retching noises and the covering of our ears so that we can block out the horrible sound. So vile are these words to our ears, that when speaking of them we cannot even say the word out loud or in full. It can only be spelt out or referred to as the 'm word' (our all time most hated word, but I'll get to that later) or the 'l word'. (If my sister says to me me 'Oh my God, so and so said the 'm word', I will know straight away which word she is referring to). It is difficult to fully explain why or how these words have come be so repulsive to us. They do not have harsh or derogatory meanings and are not offensive (even though we consider them to be offensive to our ears, mainstream society does not find them to be so). But for some reason, known only to God and the universe, these words torture our souls.

What are these dastardly words that I speak of (or not speak of) you ask? It goes against my entire being to even spell these words out in full but I am going to do so for the benefit of you readers, as there is no other way for me to share them with you. I feel icky just thinking about typing this list, but here goes. They include but are not limited to the following:

moist (top of the list, always and forever - the worst word in the english language, hands down)
tender (cue my jaw dropping and stomach heaving)
luscious (cue my gag reflex working over time)
nourishing (cue violent retching)
supple (cue curling into the fetal position)
broth (if you add tasty before the word broth its double gross - cue I have entered a self induced coma cause I can't take any more gross words).


For some reason, most of these words are often used to describe food (which means watching cooking shows like Masterchef can be an exercise in torture rather than pleasure ew, wait I hate that word too). Must just be a coincidence as I can't think of any traumatic events from childhood relating to food that would have turned us off these words, and we certainly don't have an aversion to food in general. Having said that, I can't think of any traumatic events relating to word usage either, so God only knows where this stems from.....

Anyway, back to the purpose of me writing this post. For the past 30 odd years, our taking issue with numerous words has been met by others with limited understanding. Some people can kind of see what we are talking about but most just don't get it. But today I found a kindred spirit. I do not know this kindred spirit personally, but based on his like-minded word aversion, he must be an awesome bloke. I picked up the latest issue of frankie magazine to find an article written by one Daniel Evans titled "Fill your cake hole". Here Daniel reviews and critiques numerous packet cake mixes that he tested. And from the opening line of his first review - of the Betty Crocker Super Moist Choc Fudge Cake with Vanilla Frosting, I knew we were kindred souls. He writes:

"Let it be known that I take issue with the word "moist". It is a term best reserved for the dissection of adult entertainment, not the description of baked goods made by someone who sounds like your nan's childhood friend." 


The minute I read that line and explanation of why the 'm word' should not be used, particularly in regards to food, my heart was flooded with light and joy. My sister and I no longer have to walk this earth alone, not understanding how or why people persist with using this word so freely, and particularly in relation to food. Somebody else 'gets it'. (I do applaud Daniel for continuing to make this cake because, as a fellow hater of the 'm word', the fact that it was used in the title of the cake alone would have meant that I could not in all good conscience purchase, let alone make and eat it).

So today I give thanks to Daniel Evans for unknowingly expressing to the wider community why people should refrain from using the 'm word' and for the stars aligning so that I could purchase this magazine and find another member for my little word aversion tribe ; ) Oh, and on a serious note, for providing me with some of the best humorous writing I've come across in a long time and hence the laughter and joy that my soul has been craving.....