Well, the break I gave myself last week was just what the Doctor ordered. I managed to stem the tide of being dragged into an abyss of exhaustion and overwhelm, which means that this week I am motivated, energised and feeling happy. I have gone for years of my life operating from a place where all decisions were influenced by feelings of guilt, or obligation. Very rarely did I make decisions or choices based on what I really wanted or what was best for me. I don't think I truly believed or understood that that was an option or that you could exist like that. I'm also sure I didn't have a firm grasp on exactly what I did want in my life, which also makes it quite difficult to make empowering choices!
But now, at the ripe old age of 34, I have finally accepted that it is, in fact, the only way to live a life where I am being true to myself, and I am so much better for it. Previously I felt a great deal of anxiety around what people would think of me if I didn't do what I thought they wanted me to (note the use of the phrase 'what I thought they wanted me to'. Half the time I'm sure I was projecting ideas onto people that were not what they were really thinking, and I could have saved myself a lot of time and emotional angst had I simply communicated with them openly). I made it mean the end of the world to say I couldn't attend something I had committed to because I had such a hang up around not wanting to let anyone else, or myself, down.
Even giving myself permission to wipe my slate clear of obligations last week and only do the bare minimum that I needed to, shifted my energy. I had thought that I wouldn't do any cleaning or tidying (and I had given myself permission to not do it), but before Thursday my home had been cleaned and I'd done it happily because I'd shifted my thinking and it wasn't a 'have to do'. I was able to rest and devote a little more time to work, which also made me feel so much better because I got on top of things.
Life is a constant juggling act. One week we need to devote more time to family, the next to work or to yourself. Some weeks you can pull off everything effortlessly, without giving it a second thought and other weeks require a far more concerted effort to get it all happening. The key is to be in tune with what you need. Listen to what your mind and body is telling you it needs and respond accordingly. Give yourself permission!
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