I read a wonderful blog post on Scoutie Girl the other day, where Maeg Yosef discussed growth and how it's not all 'grace and epiphany.' That really struck a cord with me given my current phase of growth and transition. Last week definitely confirmed that with all growth comes a whole bunch of emotion and yuckiness. One day you think you're making huge breakthroughs, are moving forward and have got your shit sorted and the next you feel like you took ten steps backwards and have lost everything you've learned or gained.
And then I read a sentence in the blog post that said "The messy stuff doesn't negate the good stuff. The messy stuff is just a call for comfort." When you are moving into the unknown and trying on new ways of being, your body and mind cry out for reassurance and comfort. Reading that was like a light bulb moment for me. So often I experience the messy, negative bits and make it mean that any progress has been negated. That I must not really have made the progress that I thought I had.
But it's not that at all. Transition and growth is messy and involves you sitting with uncomfortable feelings while you process whatever you need to. The feelings and mess are actually a sign that something is occurring. The key is to trust that it will pass and that you will move through this phase (tough to do when you are in a long phase of growth and change - but really, unless you want to revert back to your old, often unhealthy ways of doing things, what other option do you have but to trust you can make it?).
While you are in this uncomfortable, frustrating, messy phase, be kind to yourself. In seeking or providing comfort, the key is not to resort to old habits or things that you might have done previously to avoid these feelings. Choose to comfort yourself in ways that support the life you are choosing to create. As I mentioned on Monday, I sought comfort in the company of family, in doing yoga each night and by talking to friends. Once upon a time I may have chosen to isolate myself from people, to stop exercising, to eat unhealthily, to let my mind run away with negative thoughts. But I have identified these behaviours as the ones that don't work for me and so I just have to keep making the conscious decision to choose the actions and thoughts that are in line with the kind of person I want to be and the kind of life I am creating for myself.
And on the note of messy stuff, my sisters' girlfriend, Bec (my surrogate sis), has been one very sick lady lately and is currently in hospital. So I just want her to know that my thoughts and prayers are with her everyday and that I am sending her lots of hugs and kisses for tomorrow. Also, a huge shout out to my sister Lauren who has shown what a strong and loving person she is over the difficult past few weeks. Much love to you and I'm here if you need anything at all xx
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