Note: I actually wrote this post last night but wanted to share it as part of Monday Musings (so that is why I am referring to 'today' as Sunday even though today is Monday).
This day has been a strange one. It started out for me with a feeling of happiness. Not for any particular reason but just because thats what I felt. I just chilled, hung out, watched some movies, had a nap etc. But as it got to about 4pm or so, I started to feel really agitated but couldn't really work out why. So I went over to my sisters place to have dinner, thinking that I just needed to get out for a while and have some company. But still the feeling lingered and I continued to feel unsettled without knowing why. Then, as I walked from her apartment to my car, it hit me like a tonne of bricks. On this day (the Sunday of the October long weekend, 8 years ago) it was my wedding day. And it seemed so surreal to me, even as if it was part of another life. That I had that day, a day that is one of the most significant in a persons life, and yet I am no longer sharing a life in that way with the person who I married. That at one time this was the most monumental day in my life and now it is an 'ordinary' Sunday.
I want to clarify that this isn't an expression of regret - where I am now is where I am meant to be and how things were meant to turn out. But that doesn't mean that I can't feel immense sadness for the two people who stood in front of everyone that day, truly believing that they would be together for the rest of their lives and sharing a vision of what it all looked like. Who thought they could be what each other needed and wanted. But they couldn't and it didn't turn out that way. And tonight that really does just make me feel sad. I do want to say though that even though we are no longer together, my wedding day was one of the happiest days I had ever had and I enjoyed every minute of it. It was everything I had hoped it would be and for that I will always be grateful.
So tonight, even in the midst of my sadness, I would like to thank the universe for allowing me to experience a wedding day and share something that amazing with all my family and friends, as well as all the beautiful and fun times I had being in that relationship. I'd like to ask that the universe help and guide both Lachlan and myself to find our own places in this world. Places where we can be our true selves and experience joy and happiness, whilst being the best parents we can be to our amazing little gift, Bailey.
No comments:
Post a Comment