"We feel scared to move forward because we fear failing. But more often than not, the thing we fear the most is the very thing that contains our salvation. You are stronger than you know. Your possibilities are endless. Choose to feel the fear, and do it anyway. Because you can. Because you must. Take a risk. Dare to Live".
- Abraham Maslow
This is a lesson or truth it took me many, many years to embrace and one that I will no doubt keep confronting for years and years to come. But it is the truth. The thing we fear the most is the very thing that contains our salvation. More often than not, when something comes up for us in life and there is a large amount of fear associated with it, we want to rid ourselves of that feeling straight away. We run, we ignore, we bury, we distract ourselves, we do anything we can to not have to deal with it. Alternatively, we may become paralysed by it, which is a result of not dealing with the fear or refusing to embrace it.
Earlier on this year, I definitely found myself in a place where fear completely overwhelmed me. I had been working towards clearing a path and removing things from my life that no longer served me, so that I could in fact move forward in the best possible way. Once I achieved that state, however, I was completely exposed. There was nothing left to hide behind and no distractions - just a blank slate for me to create whatever I wanted for my life. And I completely and utterly freaked out (which was very annoying, particularly since I thought the hard part would be the removal of people and things that didn't serve me and that after the hard yards I had done in the year prior, I really thought my hard work was done. Not so.....). There were clearly some lingering issues re loving myself and having faith in myself. Still a doubt in my own mind as to whether I really could create my own life, and one that I would love - that I alone am enough and will be enough for myself and my son.
This sucked, no doubt about it, and was hard as hell to go through. But the universe has a way of presenting things to us repeatedly until we get the message and confront and deal with whatever the issue is. By not dealing with something we may think we have 'gotten away' without having to face it. But mark my words, it will come back to you in one form or another until we acknowledge it. And I knew deep down, I had to work through my bag of issues and clean them out properly before I would be able to move on. The things I feared, such as being alone, not being enough, not being worthy etc had to be confronted and worked through. There were many days where it all seemed too hard and I just wanted to give up and not 'work' on anything. But bit by bit, and with the help of my family and some amazing friends, I was able to work through what remained in my bag of 'stuff'.
And miraculously, I now feel that my bag is empty. I feel positive rather than fearful about the clean slate and endless possibilities before me. And I know that would never be the case had I not stopped and confronted those fears. I can now embrace being on my own, enjoy the benefits that come with that and take time for me (something most of us don't actually do much over the course of our lives). Every time I confront and work through fears, it reinforces my inner strength and confidence, which is how the fears then become my salvation. If I had not dealt with them they would remain a black cloud or shadow hanging over me, just waiting to pop up again and drag me down at some later point. Yes, my bag will fill up again - that's life and no-one can escape that. What we can do, however, is choose how full we let that bag get and choose how we deal with what's in it. And I'll know that when my bag does start to fill up again that I'll have the strength to face the fears and empty it. I'll be able to push through because I know that joy and salvation awaits me on the other side.
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