This is my mantra today. Over and over I've been repeating it to myself as I have to consciously choose not to take something on. It is something that I felt I had to take on and solve during my married life, because the consequences of not doing so felt too great for me to handle. But given that I am no longer in that relationship in the same way, I must let go of playing the role of the fixer and problem solver in this area, even though the consequences may upset and impact my son (Please note, the consequences are not life threatening to my son, but a mother never wants to have their child be unnecessarily upset or unsettled). Its hard to shift from playing a certain role in a relationship, especially when you've played it for so long. But this issue keeps rearing its head, so its time to call an end to this pattern. I need to trust and accept that this is not my lesson to learn (God knows I have enough of my own to learn without taking on other people's!), and have faith in the fact that whatever the consequences, it is what needs to happen and is the way things are meant to pan out. I also do not need to take on any guilt surrounding this issue as I know in my heart that I did not create the problem and am not responsible for solving it.
So often we think we are doing people favours by bailing them out or fixing problems. And sometimes we are - particularly if its something that is a one off. But if it is something that is repeatedly coming up, we can actually end up doing that person a disservice by not letting them solve the problem or learn the lesson that is there for them to learn. I was definitely guilty of this in my married life. Not deliberately so, but guilty nonetheless. At the time I thought I was doing what I had to do (and what I was being asked to do by my partner). In hindsight what I was actually doing was saving myself from suffering what I perceived to be the even greater negative consequences of me not fixing things. At the time I didn't have the courage to not take it on or the belief that my partner would be able to take responsibility for his actions (after all, if I did believe in him I wouldn't have solved the problem even when it went against everything my heart was telling me).
Anyway, we all live and learn. And the universe is giving me the chance to learn what I need to from this re not taking on someone else's problem or lesson and allowing them to learn it for themselves. Its time for me to set the boundaries, step back and act in accordance with what is for my higher good.
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