Tonight my heart feels sad and dark and angry. You know those situations where you are so frustrated you think you will explode? That's me tonight. I won't go into the reason behind it in detail because it involves my ex and I would never air my 'dirty laundry' as such in this domain. But Saturday Soul is, for me, a space for writing or sharing authentically - either my personal writing or the writing of others that touches my soul. And tonight my soul needs to write realistically about what it is feeling.
It has always been a priority for me to ensure that my little man is not affected emotionally by any issues between me and my ex (well anymore than he inevitably is going to be). In particular, I don't want us to fight and argue in front of him. Most of the time this is achievable. But every now and then, like tonight, my best intentions go out the window. Tonight I just couldn't bite my tongue, hide my anger, stop my tears. I was so hurt, angry, frustrated disrespected and insulted that I straight out reacted. There is no excuse for it, but it can be so overwhelmingly difficult to maintain the environment I want to, given that my ex and I are no longer together for a reason and our ability to communicate is not great at the best of times. When I get pushed to my emotional limit and it is in regards to Bailey who is the most important person in the world to me, it can lead me to breaking point - like tonight.
And the guilt that I feel as a result, is immense.......
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