There are so many thoughts brewing in my head that I could discuss today. All swirling around, fighting for attention and answers. There is a definite feeling within that some kind of strange, strong and shifting energy is around me. That change is coming my way again. And I'm in that phase where you don't quite know with certainty what is coming or how its going to pan out. I have inklings that it has to do with my living environment (my lease is up in less than a month and I'm fairly certain I will be leaving), connections on new levels with particular family members, and breakthroughs for me on a soul or personal growth level. Those things are all coming, but currently I'm in the phase of break down that often comes prior to break throughs. Not necessarily an all consuming, bring you to your knees break down, but the struggle that comes with being presented with lessons you need to learn and things to resolve before you can move onto the next phase of your life.
The hardest aspect for me is to not drop into fear and the tendency to resort to the default ways of dealing with challenge and stress that I have used all my life but that clearly don't serve me. Fear, worry and anxiety are huge for me. But I know that these challenges are being presented to me so that I can practise a new way of being and reacting. So in moments of fear, I am doing my best to stop and change my perspective. To remove myself from the situation, take the emotion away and look from the outside in. When I feel overwhelmed I reassure myself that if my heart is open and I am willing to listen, the universe and my own intuition will guide me - that my worst fears will not become reality (which really, they never do).
So even though I'm having, and I'm sure will continue to have, many a day and/or night where I feel like I'm being twisted in knots with the frustration and lack of understanding of what's going on in my world, where I am scared shitless (excuse the French) and where I want to just curl up in a ball and escape the learning and challenges - I will choose not to run away and will meet them head on because I have faith that something beautiful lies beyond the breakthrough......
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